Sure, Mike Huckabee has been gaining a lot of momentum as a Republican candidate for President. And why not? He’s well-spoken. He’s straight-forward. He doesn’t have a lot of corporate special interest groups in his pockets. He believes people with AIDS should be sent to a special AIDS island where they can’t bite us. He doesn’t believe in evolution and thinks the world is exactly as old as Jesus. What’s not to like, right?

Well, how about this? Ever since Huckabee’s dramatic weight loss (by the way, we get it. you’re not a fatty anymore. if we all agree on that point, will you please stop hurting our eyes and sex drive with all those videos of you in free-flowing jogging shorts?), he has started to look like the sniveling, craven fictional President from the televison show ’24’–Charles Logan. I can’t be the only one who sees this. Internet genie, I wish for Google-based evidence!

Whenever I see Mike Huckabee these days, when I’m not thinking about his pale, ashen legs poking out through the generous cut of his jogging shorts’ leg holes, I can’t help but think of him locking his cuckoo-bananas wife in the Lincoln bedroom the minute she goes off her meds, only to have his wife stab him and make love to their secret service guy many years later. (Again, I realize Mrs. Logan was living in a very upscale, private home for people with mental problems, and that comes with certain freedoms that normal institutions do not provide–things like shoelaces, belts, leave-in conditioner, etc. But did they really need to provide her with her own kitchen, full of gigantic, unsupervised knives? Come on, hippies. It’s OK to crack the whip just a little bit. The woman is insane, after all.)

All I’m asking is, do you want to bring that kind of drawn-out and implausible drama to the White House? Neither do I.

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