Is there something one better than a trifecta? A quadrillium? A quattriffico?* Because I need a word to describe what I saw yesterday. I was standing on the corner, drinking lemonade–you know how I do. Suddenly, I was surrounded by French Bulldogs, the Canis Lupus Familiaris’ greatest gift to comedy. A woman was out walking a pair of bug-eyed and musclebound pals, while also pushing a baby stroller. That’s sweet, I thought. She likes babies and dogs equally. She has my vote.
Then, as I got closer to the stroller, my eyes and heart engaged in a tongue-touching makeout session because lo and behold I espied the following:
- a plump French Bulldog!
- sitting in the stroller!!
- AND WEARING A G-DAMN DIAPER!!!!!!!!!!
If he were also wearing a tiny graduation cap and tenured professor robe, I would have run into the street and let a truck kill me because I would gladly have that dog be the last thing I ever set my eyes upon. Even so, I had to ignore my initial impulse, to push the woman to the ground, commandeering her vehicle, and wheeling this diapered beauty to Valhalla. Instead, I got my head straight and congratulated her on its excellent performance.
Then we got to talking about how this amazing three-part harmony came to be. It turns out her dog was born with a twisted spine and, at two years old, became paralyzed in its lower body, but has been in physical therapy (including hydrotherapy) and has proven himself a strong and happy survivor. In my estimation, the dog’s Terry Fox-esque fortitude in the face of great vulnerability gave it extra-credit. In fact, if I had a root beer-scented scratch’n’sniff sticker I would have slapped it on his Pampers right then and there. Because, pard’ner, you did a root-a-tootin’ job of making my day!
*apparently, there is. And it’s called a “Superfecta.” Thanks for knowing how to use the Internet better than I do, Wes.
