One more on Mr. Potter, since I am on a total wizard streak this week. (having just seen the latest three-hour eyes-agog installment last night. aside from a couple friends and myself, there were about 8 other people in the theater for this 10pm show. five of those people were a puerto-rican family with children ranging from two years old to about seven. it was one of those occasions that made me wish i knew how to say “your babies probably wouldn’t be screaming hysterically right now if you’d put them to bed before 12am” in spanish. honestly, i would have even settled for “are you seriously walking into this theater in the middle of a cell phone conversation?” or “i’m sure there’s a more convenient, private place to beat your children.”)
Here is my impression of every exchange between Harry Potter and Headmaster Dumbledore immediately following an act of reckless bravery on Harry’s part:
INT. DUMBLEDORE’S CHAMBERS – DAY.
HARRY
“You wished to see me, Professor Dumbledore?”
DUMBLEDORE
“Yes, Harry. You realize your daring rescue of the Saucer of Immortality put your life, and the lives of your classmates, in grave danger. Had things gone differently, it would have meant the end of Hogwarts School and possibly the end of wizardry as we know it. Your behavior was foolhardy, and I have enough evidence to expel you from this institution. Do you understand this, Potter?”
HARRY
“Y-y-yes, Professor Dumbledore.”
DUMBLEDORE
“Very well then. Now I’m sure you also understand something must be done. That’s why I’m forced to…award ELEVENTY-BILLION POINTS to the house of Gryffindor for bravery, sacrifice, and pure, dumb luck!!”
[HARRY STARES IN WIDE-EYED, SLACK-JAWED WONDER. HE THEN EXCHANGES BUG-EYED STARES WITH RON, HERMIONE, PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE, HAGRID, ELFINMUFFLE, SQUIDWIG, SIR KICKYPANTS, AND A POTTED PLANT. PROFESSOR SNAPE, HAVING WITNESSED THIS ENTIRE SCENE WITH A SENSE OF SMUG PRIDE GIVING WAY TO GREAT DISGUST, NARROWS HIS EYES AND STORMS OUT OF DUMBLEDORE’S CHAMBERS, TO RETURN TO HIS EVENING JOB AS THE LEAD SINGER OF NINE INCH NAILS.]
Fin.
