(WHITE) AMERICA HAS A NEW HERO

Be on the lookout for a new comedy concert film named The Blue Collar Comedy Tour, coming like an entertainment tornado to blow away the trailer park of your mind. From the looks of the trailer, this film doubles as some kind of white person’s reparations for the success of The Original Kings of Comedy. (or perhaps The Queens of Comedy or The Original Latin Kings of Comedy or maybe, just maybe, The Original Laotian Kings of Comedy.) It’s basically the same structure – 4 touring comics, one host, live concert mixed with panel-style “riffing”, material about how different it was to grow up poor – and nearly the same name. The only difference I could see was when they cut to the audience reactions. Instead of a vast sea of highly macked-out black women and men from the American South, it’s just a large Klan rally. But the Klansmen are having just as much fun. You can’t actually see them laughing but you can kind of tell they are by the way their hoods shake. (bam! zip! pow!)

The concert is headlined by Jeff “you know you’re a redneck” Foxworthy, and ordinarily that would be all you’d need to know. However, I feel it’s important to highlight a new face in the world of unapologetically-white-guy comedy: Larry The Cable Guy. That’s his name! Just ask him! And be sure to check out his self-written bio! In which he adds exclamation points to the end of nearly every line! Ensuring us all that it is some hootin’ hollerin’ hilariosity!!!! It’s as if Larry is saying, “hoo-dog! I myself cannot even believe the crazy things coming out of my mouth! I’m all serious for a second and then – what? – here comes something straight outta left field!” Each one of his jokes has a lethal punch not unlike the last panel of a Bazooka Joe comic strip.

As you read his bio, it becomes increasingly libertarian and, therefore, increasingly fascinating. Larry gets his steel toe booted foot in the door with a quick barrage of alcoholic mother jokes, then slowly shifts his tone from Mr. “Laugh A Minute” to Mr. “I Got Some Opinions, Too, Y’all, and This Here Interweb Is a Right Fine Place to Air Them”. Check out this excellent trick in disarming the reader before dropping a conservative bomb: “I believe all the telletubbies is queer, not just the purple one! I believe in the right to bear arms! Not only against scumbag criminals, but also against a tyrannical government!” Larry is one-part Hee-Haw, two-parts NASCAR, four-parts Militia Separatist Movement, and forty-parts PRECIOUS!

I think Larry has built himself a fine niche. He really does call himself “Larry the Cable Guy” at every possible juncture, and I’m sure that’s how he presented himself to club owners and prospective talent management. The easy nail he uses to hang himself on is similar to the way many Chitlin Belt comics call themselves things like “The Wildcat” or “Doo Doo Brown” or “Stricklee Funnin”, and produce headshots reflecting their “wild” or “doo doo” nature. Larry’s headshot is S-M-A-R-T. It shows him wearing the requisite baseball cap, Ted Nugent t-shirt and, in case you are a casting agent who doesn’t quite understand what Larry the Cable Guy is All About, he was also kind enough to wrap some cables around his neck in a style suggesting Early Hysterical. Larry ain’t some stinking plumber or landscaper. He’s straight-up cable guy and don’t you forget it. Something tells me Larry has already made an appearance on Reba in an episode where the cable goes out just before a big Travis Tritt pay-per-view event. And something else tells me he’ll be making another appearance very soon…in your heart! Now go GIT-R-DONE, whatever that means.

P.S. Larry the Cable Guy is not gay. I’m just saying.

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