HOW TO BEAT A DEAD HORSE, MAGICALLY REVIVE HIM AND, AS SOON AS HIS HEARTBEAT REGISTERS, BEGIN BEATING HIM SENSELESSLY ALL OVER AGAIN

Guess how long pretending a chihuahua wrapped in a black towel is really an old, grief-stricken Sicilian widow can seem very funny? Now multiply that by 20, because that’s how long I laughed myself retarded doing it.

I hope you had a nice fourth of July. LIVING IN AMERICA! Am I right?

[small Italian, widowed dog courtesy of Miss Kambri Crews.]

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