I’m heading to the gym right now (brag) to take a shower (brag rescinded) because my apartment building has neither heat nor hot water. (depressing reality) Maybe I’ll use this visit as an opportunity to lift weights. (lie) Either way, I need to shower as soon as possible because my spent semen is drying (truth) and it’s making my face itch. (outrageous exaggeration and homoerotic suggestion designed to distract reader from previous embarrassingly truthful statement) Sigh. (sigh)
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