HOW TO PICK YOURSELF UP OFF THE BAR FLOOR

Have you ever been so drunk that you completely forgot it was St. Patrick’s Day? On my way to work today I (naturally) saw dozens and dozens of people with green accents in their fashion, and all I could think was, “is there some new gang I was unaware of? Is my iPod gonna get jacked? Am I gonna hafta get loose, and is some motherfucker gonna get his/her balloon popped?”

But no. It was just some dicks who traveled 100 miles to drink Shamrock Margaritas at Houlihan’s.

P.S. I think there is so much passive-aggression expressed these days, thanks to the pretty, faceless Internet, that yesterday’s post has caused at least a few of my friends to suddenly question my sincerity and level of commitment in our friendships. I like you all the best.

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