This morning I saw a mother standing on the doorstep of her townhouse, cradling her baby. As I walked past them, the baby locked eyes with me, and flashed a huge baby smile. Normally, on the running scoreboard in my head, I would award this quiet moment of extrinsic validation 5 points. Points are awarded on the following scale:
baby smiling at me: 5 points
dog smiling at me: 2 points
dog expressing sadness to me/seeking compassion from me: 10 points
pretty lady smiling at me: 20 points
someone recognizing me from seeing me perform: 50 points
someone recognizing me from my website: 75 points
homeless man involuntarily urinating while smiling at me: -5 points
guy who reminds me of all the things i wish i could change about myself, smiling at me: -50 points
black guy acknowledging me with anything but hostility: 500 points
But today I guess I was feeling self-conscious because when the baby smiled at me all I could think was, “What? Is there something on my face? Am I walking stupid? WHAT, BABY? WHAT??!!??” I felt judged and tortured when, really, the baby had probably just farted or something. Smug idiot.
