I know what they’re saying, girl, but I thought you was wonderful. When your face filled the screen without warning, at the top of the VMA’s, and I stared into them naturally beautiful pupil-less, navy-blue eyes, all I could think was, “It’s Britney, bitch!!” AND THEN YOU SAID IT!!! Needless to say, I was seriously hyped-up. But then I was thinking, It’s been more than four years since she’s rocked the stage. I don’t know, y’all. Is she gonna bring it?

And then, guess what? It was brung. You lit it up, girl. You got the moves. I know you took some heat from the press. Said you looked like you was all messed up on pills. Said your weave was Halloween cheap. Said that only a guest on the Maury Povich show would have thought they looked good enough to wear a bikini at your size. Said you were dancing inside a slowed-down oxycontin cloud.

But I say you did it on purpose. You worked it all slow, like a fine-looking walrus, just to give America more time to envy you. For real, Brit. Let the haters hate, when they should celebrate.


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