I’ve always felt weird about including a list of my Fave Web Sites on tremble. It’s just another self-conscious trap I create for myself and then try to avoid, blaming everyone else in the process. The act of aggregating favorites often – but not always – strikes me as false. I see people link to sites no one could possibly want to keep up with but somehow help, through association, to shape the identity (or boost the hits?) of the author.
That said, I know the above statement only applies to about 12 jerks. The truth is that many of my lovely friends (who have web sites) include links and I trust them 100%. They’re usually just shout-outs to actual friends or recommendations for further reading, or both. But each time I tried to compile a list like that it was just too paralyzing. It’s the same reason I don’t keep a diary. The few times I tried to start a real diary/journal to record and detail my most private thoughts it quickly degenerated into an anonymous celebrity tell-all. I couldn’t escape the delusion that some day this journal about dorm room sleepovers would some day become a published work (with high pricetag foreign and film rights) chronicling the tortured genius blossoming within me. As soon as I became conscious of my impossible-to-subert intentions it would disgust me, and I would quickly abandon the diary and go back to other, less damaging activities – like hanging strings of jalapeno-shaped party lights or cleaning the mold out of my bathroom caddy.
I also get this weird feeling that, whenever my peers are linked somewhere and I’m not, it means I’m despised by the individual responsible for posting the links in the first place. I never consider that I’m an unknown entity to anyone. This is a thought that is at once self-centered and self-destructive; sort of my specialty. (i have that excellent gift of narcissism turned on its head, where i am sure everyone is thinking about me, and they’re all saying, “nice haircut, dick.”) Following that logic, the last thing I need is another opportunity to negatively evaluate my self-worth. Therefore I have tried to protect other people as screwed up as me by dispensing with the permanent record of my favorites. It’s kind of like a modified Golden Rule, contoured to my own insecurities.
But if you’re curious, if you’re really curious, here is a one-time list of every “personal” site I visit with any kind of real frequency (i.e. more than 2 times a week). There are plenty of other sites I enjoy but maybe forgot to bookmark and therefore forget to frequent. Please note that this is an unabridged list so it includes friends, strangers whom I admire, useful resources (except for obvious ones like the ny times, google, and sublime directory), and sites I only bother with to satisfy a desire for unintentional comedy. I won’t say which is which, because that would be mean: andrew, pants, leslie, josh, alexis, evany, bob, julius, christian, liam, ms. sharpe, aaron, steven, jason, ben, dori, richard, jami, harry, chris, matt, annie, chen, daegan, slatch, buddy, pitchfork, bob and david, paul, kevin, rebecca, mars, timothy, jim, david, witold, john, jorn, bazima, heidi, drew, torch, khoi.
I realize this will cause some people’s web sites to spike with 2-3 brand new visitors for the next 24 hours. And I know many of those people obsessively check their web site statistics the same way they obsessively check their voicemail at home and on their cellular, and will be wondering if these visits mean they’re being lauded, insulted, or pranked. None of the above. Just know that I watch you, and I have my reasons. Sorry if it makes you unnecessarily self-conscious. At least the cat’s dead now.
